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Friday, April 28, 2006

IST Presents--The Prognostication Lightning Round

by Jay Allbritton
Will the Democrats take back Congress?
At least half of it.

Will Bush be impeached?
Yes, but not until after he cancels the 2012 elections. There's a limit to abuse of power, darn it.

Who you got in the NBA playoffs?
The Pistons. I hate them, but they're a juggernaut.

What's up with that Duke lacrosse team?
My eyes and ears boycotted that story from day one. The 24 hour news cycle is a real exaggeration. Cut out ten hours of repeats, then cut out ten hours of kidnapped blondes and other intentional distractions and what's left? 120 minutes of glossing over stories, dissemination of misleading facts, corporate tie-ins and inane banter. Back to you Wolf! You freaking idiot.

Are we going to nuke Iran?
No. We'll hit them with conventional bombs.

Is Iran going to nuke us?
With what?

Is this the Chinese century?
No, this century is all about India.

Will The DaVinci Code be any good?
If you play it backwards.

A boy or a girl for Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt?
Oh God.

Who are the next seven Presidents?
Nancy Pelosi, Al Gore, Barak Obama, Jeb Bush, David Chapelle, Chelsea Clinton, Bush twins.

VIDEO: Chappelle's Show featuring Negrodamus.


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