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Saturday, April 01, 2006

Open Nigerian Letter To Congress

by Jay Allbritton
Dear Congress,

Hope you're enjoying your six-day weekend.

I noticed an interesting story out of Nigeria that I would like to bring to your attention.

Fanny Amun, acting Secretary-General of the Nigerian Football Association, is a wiseman indeed. He knows that football referees in Nigeria are going to be bribed. On Friday, Amun advised his referees on the matter. "We know match officials are offered money or anything to influence matches and they can accept it," Amun told Reuters. "Referees should only pretend to fall for the bait," he went on to say, "but make sure the result doesn't favor those offering the bribe."
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League chair Oyuiki Obaseki took a different approach. He reprimanded the referees. "The quality of your reports have not done our league any good, so please desist from corrupt practices," he scolded.

Well, Congress, those are two distinctly differing approaches. I would like to echo the words of Oyuiki Obaseki and say to you this:

The quality of your legislation has not done our nation any good, so please desist from corrupt practices.

But, if that doesn't work for you I understand. I'm more like Fanny Amun. I know you're going to take bribes. Being rich and powerful can get very expensive. You need lots of expensive shit or no one would ever know how rich you are. Pimping of one's crib, supporting mistresses and buying gas guzzling SUVs for every member of your family can out pace those paltry six figure salaries the American people see fit to pay you overworked G-men.

So, if desisting from your corrupt practices is impractical in this day and age, then lets at least follow the guideline suggested by Fanny Amun. Could you please only pretend to fall for the bait, but make sure the resulting legislation does not favor those offering the bribe.

Is that so hard?


The Station Agent


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